Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler

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Highlights

We have all had the experience of being with friends who are “talking to us” and simultaneously checking texts and/ or social media, right? Yes. They are right in front of us. Yes. They are answering our questions and talking, but a big chunk of them is missing. (Page 54)
most parents doing child care have the desire to run from their kids, even if it’s just a feeling. Like, How can I get away for a minute? We’ve all checked Facebook on the toilet with the door locked and little fingers trying to get under the door. (Page 55)
Our kids operate best on a full emotional gas tank. You fill that tank through connection. (Page 55)
I’m suggesting that you do not put so much focus on your child. (Page 56)
If you’re attempting 100 percent focus on your kids, you will crash and burn. Which will lead to feelings of “Fuck it. I deserve a break. I deserve to look at my phone while I’m coloring with this kid.” (Page 56)
If you are giving 50 percent presence to your child 100 percent of the time, and that makes the child still 100 percent needy, it’s just a bad investment of your time. Whereas if you can be 100 percent present but for smaller chunks of time, and that fills your child’s emotional tank and buys you some “off ” time, that’s a brilliant investment. (Page 56)
They need to know they matter and not in a secondary way. (Page 57)
What I’m talking about is creating moments when you are 100 percent. That’s what will fill their bucket. (Page 58)
You may hear “Read to me” and just know that means endless books and a fit if you try to limit the time or number of books. So you may resort to a push-off, like Sure. In a minute. When I’m done with x-y-z. Not right now, but later. I just read to you, I have to make dinner. (Page 58)
Your child is experiencing an attention scarcity. So when she gets some attention, she is going to attempt to overfill herself. It feels wonderful to have your parents that present. It shines soul-filling light into their little hearts. They’re not stupid: they want to hang on to that particular joy. It reminds me of one of my least favorite phrases ever: “Oh, he’s just doing that for attention.” Dude. Give him attention. (Page 59)
When your child knows that you will have to leave the connection activity but that there will be more, he is more likely to be peaceful when you extricate yourself. (Page 59)
It doesn’t take much to fill it, but likewise, it doesn’t take much to empty it. Big emotions (like tantrums) will drain it, as will exciting outings like the zoo or children’s museum. Believe it or not, playgrounds aren’t that great a place to connect either. (Page 59)
Toddlers love routine, so having a regularly scheduled reading time works wonders for filling that tank. (Page 60)
Play-Doh, artwork, coloring—any hands-on table/ sit down work. While playing, be sure to verbally engage. “I’m making the longest snake in the world. What are you making?” (Page 60)
“Let’s go lay down and just chitchat.” My niece would always fall asleep, but it also became their thing. “Mem, can we go lay down and chitchat?” (Page 61)
Movies and downtime. Watching a movie with your child can either be a fantastic break for you or it can be wildly engaging. (Page 61)
“Yes, you can watch a show, but I need to do some things so I won’t be watching (Page 61)
You know it when you’re in it because it also fills your cup/ bucket/ emotional gas tank. You feel like a stellar parent; it lifts you up rather than exhausting you. (Page 63)
At first, you may have to do shorter but more frequent connections. This lets the child know that there is more coming. (Page 64)
It can be very helpful to use the actual words connection and disconnection. “I feel very disconnected from you; let’s sit and read a story so we can connect.” This is a great tool as your kids get older. Having emotional language to wrap around feelings can be amazing! Your child will be able to articulate her feeling of disconnection, (Page 66)
put your phone in airplane mode for chunks of time lasting at least an hour. (Page 67)
For our generation of parents, in our particular society, it has become the norm to serve at the altar of parental martyrdom, (Page 70)
Therefore, your relationship has to be solid, because it is the foundation on which everything else is built! (Page 75)
and boy howdy, do little ones need slow transitions. (Page 77)
If a child is at the center of everything we do, how can that child not start to feel like she is indeed the center of everything? (Page 78)
When we don’t emphasize the family as a whole over the individuals, then the child will simply learn that his individual needs come first and he will act accordingly, entitled and demanding. (Page 78)
“A child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.” (Page 78)
As Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” (Page 82)
It’s creating that village vibe so that our kids feel a deep connection and love within that circle. (Page 82)
One mom I worked with was just drowning in perfect parenting. Nothing she did was just for her well-being. Even showering was an ordeal. Her husband would come home and try to give her a break but her little boy would go crazy trying to find her when she attempted a mom-escape to another room. Finally, we figured out that Mom just had to walk out the door. She’d go for a brisk twenty-minute walk and come home rejuvenated. It was easier for her husband to take over dad duty when she actually left the house. (Page 85)
Do you have a hobby or interest that takes you out of the house? Something that has nothing to do with parenting? I totally understand if you love crafting things for your littles or love to bake. What I’m looking for, though, is something outside that. Something that allows you to interact with other grown-ups and not talk about your kids. (Page 86)
She was to use those walks to think about something she’d like to do that had nothing to do with her little one. At first, all she could think about was things that somehow related to her child or the household. (Page 87)
getting up early is far more useful than staying up late. (Page 89)
If we put this into a time management system, 20 percent of your time is giving 80 percent of your results. Why would you spend that other 80 percent of your time for a return of 20 percent? (Page 97)
Three extra hours to do anything you want with. What would you do with that time? Seriously. Write this down. (Page 98)
Remember. You can’t make time if you don’t know what you’re making time for. (Page 98)
As a parent, you may be familiar with this phenomenon. It’s nap time, your child goes down, and there’s so much to do, you are paralyzed. So you either take a nap or scroll FB ’cause You. Just. Can’t. Decide. What. To do. (Page 99)
This concept is called “big stones first.” Imagine you have one big bucket, and you’re supposed to fill it with a few big stones, a ton of pebbles, and some sand. You have to fit them all in the finite space of that bucket, (Page 100)
The trick? Find your big stones and really, really commit to them, (Page 101)
What are three life big stones? And what might three weekly big stones be? Three big stones for today? (Page 101)
We lose ourselves in fake productivity because a lot of us (myself included) have a trip in our heads about what’s productive and what’s lazy. Midday, sitting down to read a fiction book, while there are dishes in the sink? What a horrible mother you must be! (Page 106)
The fix: I now only do dishes in the morning and evening, when I also do my food prep. All other times, it can wait. (Page 108)
Pick up toys once a day, at the end of the day. (Page 108)
I give myself set times to dick around on Facebook and IG. (Page 109)
I only check my phone at certain times and answer all the texts at once. (Page 109)
You are creating your own state of busy. And it’s ugly, it’s serving no one, least of all you (or your family), and you get no bonus points from anyone for being busy. Stop the culture of busy. (Page 110)
“Create a life you don’t need a vacation from.” (Page 111)
Downtime must be a big stone. ’Cause otherwise it won’t fit. (Page 111)
What’s the most I can give? that giving the least feels like cheating. It’s not. It’s reclaiming your time. And time is the only commodity in the world that you can’t get back once it’s gone. (Page 111)
But generally speaking, we could all do with a big dose of leaving them alone a lot more. (Page 112)
To be clear, I’m not telling you to get off your phone. Stay on it. But don’t pretend to be engaged with your kid when you’re not. Be honest. Tell your child to hang on while you dick around on your phone. (Page 113)
this push for early academics doing a lot of damage (Page 116)
It’s the difference between who you want to be as a person—and who you want your child to be—and who you both are now. (Page 120)
“Why can’t he just be a quiet kid?” That’s a useless question that creates anxiety. He’s not. Be cautious not to step into that gap. (Page 120)
You should also remember that the world has a lot invested in your feeling not confident. (Page 121)
But if you find you are anxious about your parenting, the best thing you can do is stay off the internet. (Page 121)
You can replace dirty with hurt. “No, no, you’ll get hurt. Don’t do that. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.” (Page 121)
Here are some things you can do to calm your fears: (Page 122)
Gather a safe village. Be open with a few good friends. (Page 122)
“There’s no such thing as being a perfect parent. So be a real one.” (Page 123)
Most parental anxiety comes from the idea that you are somehow messing up. Sink into love and connection first and foremost, and you really can’t go wrong. (Page 125)
Let’s say your mom was a type A control freak who was very authoritarian. You never got to have a say; your feelings and preferences never counted. You then have a child and swear you will never do that. So you go to the polar opposite and are wildly permissive. (Page 128)
She had almost no boundaries, she gave far too many open choices to Clara, and there was no follow-up even when she did try to hold a boundary. (Page 129)
Isa was a wildly attentive mom. But emotionally, she wasn’t giving Clara the rules. And Clara was as a result literally going bonkers. (Page 129)
When you suddenly set boundaries that you’ve never set before, please expect your child to push up against them. She has to. To see if they’re real, if you are serious, if you do in fact mean business. Children have to push up against you to feel safe! (Page 131)
It can feel like they are saying, “No! I don’t want this rule. I don’t want this boundary.” But what they are really saying, if we could articulate the emotional response, is, “Thank God you’re telling me where to stop. But I have to make sure. I have to test you. Because if you don’t hold the boundary, I’ll have to push more.” (Page 131)
Parents go nuts if potty training isn’t going well. Why? Because, most often, deep in them somewhere is What If I’m a Shitty Parent? What If I Am Fucking This Up? And as with all trigger points, our conscious and unconscious mind will work overtime at avoiding such a painful notion. (Page 131)
The thing to remember is that when you find yourself getting your knickers in a bigger bunch than usual, it’s usually because of a trigger point. (Page 132)
Now, there is a second cause for reactionary parenting. It’s your child pushing up against your value system. (Page 132)
Or you may make the classic mistake of trying to logic your toddler into respect. Logic at this age is futile; repetition and consistency are the winners for toddlers. (Page 133)
“You know, I can see your brain working really hard to find a different solution. I appreciate that about you and we can talk about it, but for now we really have to leave the house.” (Page 140)
Most “bad behavior” is caused by • acting out of feelings. • testing your boundaries and their limits. • curiosity: your child thinking, “What happens if I do this?” • your child not being appropriately challenged and therefore becoming challenging. (Page 143)
Your average three-year-old is wildly different from just a year ago. With individuation, he is fumbling to find out how he is separate from you. He is entering deep play, which often looks like not listening. He is gaining mastery over his physical abilities and really needs to test the limits of what his little body can do. He doesn’t want to be a baby anymore but he still needs a lot of help. He doesn’t want to be told what to do, yet he still needs direction. (Page 145)
Bad child versus bad behavior. It’s important to distinguish “you’re so bad” from “your behavior is very bad right now.” When you call a child bad, psychologically this can be interpreted as the child himself is bad, which can lead to a core belief that will damage the child. (Page 146)
You’ll find she’ll develop critical thinking, executive functioning skills, and excellent risk assessment if you ease up on the “Be careful!” (Page 147)
Does it matter if your child has learned to read but can’t zipper his own coat? • Does it matter if your child got into Harvard and doesn’t know how to scramble an egg? (Page 150)
That chaotic behavior, that contrary, grumpy no to everything you say: that is your little one saying, “I want to figure this out. I want to be my own person.” (Page 152)
“Children are far more capable than we allow them to be.” (Page 153)
His teacher looked at me and said dryly, “Go nuts. Buy a case of Scotch tape. How much do you spend on toys?” Oof. Shot to the heart, right? (Page 154)
Think basic life skills at this age. (Page 155)
Giving responsibility is what builds self-esteem, not saying “good job, buddy” a thousand times. (Page 155)
Getting dressed. At three years old and definitely by four, your child should be able to dress himself. (Page 155)
Pouring a drink. They are fully capable of pouring liquids into glasses. This sometimes requires your putting fluids in a smaller, more manageable container; a gallon of milk is obviously too much, so you can pour milk into a two-cup spouted measuring cup. (Page 155)
Light chores. Most kids adore cleaning the toilet. I know. Weird, right? Let them! Light vacuuming, making beds, folding laundry (badly, but still), putting their clothes away, filling their own water bottles are just a few ideas. (Page 156)
children are within the center of your home and life, they feel loved and safe. When we make them the center of the home and life, things get off-kilter. (Page 156)
Our guiding question should be “What can our children do for themselves?” This approach takes practice, so be patient with yourself and your child. Reframing the whole day into life skills instead of education and scheduled activities can change everything for the whole family. (Page 160)
All you need to do is think, How can I teach her to do more on her own? How can I let her be more independent? (Page 160)
Think engagement and connection, rather than educational content. (Page 2370269)
they blow me away with their thinking because they don’t have a preconceived notion of what or how anything should be. (Page 2373032)
As a culture we are obsessed with production and performance. We want quantifiable results; we love having something to show for our work. This is fine and acceptable in some circumstances, but with our kids, it’s not the way to foster growth and independence. While following exact directions so everyone gets the same results is useful at times, there are pockets in our lives where we want the opposite. (Page 2374936)
That’s why we have art. To create and expand our inner and outer worlds. To use color and form and shape to express what words may not. (Page 2375443)
You may find yourself uttering the words “No, not like that, like this.” We become invested in the product, not the process. We become mistake monitors. Which puts a huge damper on the little minds working to make the little hands express something. (Page 2376023)
First and foremost, you have to let go of the fear of mess. Real expression, true art, and letting go of control means there will be messes. Create space for that in your home. I promise the rewards will be greater than the mess. (Page 2379469)
- Note: Gym as a “room of requirement”?
Let go of the control. Let go of needing an end product. You don’t need it. (Page 2380291)
“You seem to be getting frustrated. Do you need help or do you want to stop for now?” (Page 2380893)
Try to create an art space, a table, a corner—a place where the supplies can be left out. (Page 2381112)
Rather than guessing what it is (and being woefully wrong), ask instead, “Can you tell me about it?” (Page 2382594)
For three-dimensional creations, including Lego structures and box forts, take pictures. Make a photo book (Page 2383885)
This is the problem with merchandised toys that are modeled after characters from movies and shows. You child will play within the construct of those characters (Page 2385341)
As a general culture, we limit risk assessment, thinking our little ones are too little to be trying something risky. (Page 2395993)
We also don’t let our kids hash out emotions and social conflict. We tend to “break it up” super fast. This is denying our kids something they need, and again, it can come back to kick you in the ass. (Page 2397410)
Children who get lots of Big Play end up sitting still better when it’s time to sit. They listen better. They don’t fidget as much and get so wiggly and obnoxious and annoying. (Page 2399638)
A quick note about organized sports. They are not the same as Big Play because they are adult-led and structured, although they tend to use the same muscle groups. (Page 2406717)
It leads to taking risks, because really, how can test your own engine if you’re not taking it to the edge? (Page 2407268)
But there’s another thing we’ve been sort of hoodwinked into believing, and that is that our kids should never get hurt. That you are a bad parent if your child gets hurt. (Page 2408450)
Risk inherently comes with failure. I’m extrapolating into the later years and larger life because there’s no magical older age when you belatedly learn it’s okay to take a risk and it’s okay to fail. (Page 2409710)
Self-esteem is not built on careful. (Page 2411108)
Try moving … your feet slowly, carefully, quickly, strongly. Try using your … hands, feet, arms, legs. (Page 2414072)
Help them out by asking: What’s your plan … if you climb that boulder, cross that street? (Page 2414506)
It’s about letting children negotiate their own social context. (Page 2416532)
Kids who feel in control of their body, time, and life are less likely to suffer from anxiety and depression in later years. (Page 2418696)
Like they have sleeping windows, kids have eating windows. (Page 2431136)
Is a sit-down family meal more important at this point in your child’s life or is good sleep? You most likely cannot have both (Page 2432195)
But if you are getting crappy behavior around bedtime, it’s almost always because it’s too late. And if you’re getting crappy behavior at dinner, it’s also probably too late. (Page 2432473)
A good loose rule is that when you find the right window, your little one will go to sleep almost immediately. And your child will sleep longer. (Page 2436610)
If you are struggling with sleep issues, you should move bedtimes earlier and earlier by fifteen-minute increments. (Page 2436895)
Hug her and cuddle her and tell her everything is going to be okay. Keep the comforting confined to her room, so that she knows her sleep environment is safe and secure. (Page 2440836)
Bedtime is the perfect time to build attachment and open communication about what’s going on in their lives. Try a lot of open-ended questions and ask them while you’re doing certain activities together, like coloring. (Page 2443259)
Make yoga a part of your bedtime routine! This is a great way for kids to relax, reduce stimulation, and quiet their minds. (Page 2443603)
Always err on the side of more sleep. Treat it as a nutrient. More. Sleep. Always. (Page 2445567)
Key words: recognition, valid, worthwhile. Not: to agree with, to be right. (Page 2446024)
We don’t give our kids nearly the same courtesy as we give other, bigger humans. Like, if you are boiling hot and I’m freezing cold, you would not tell me, “No, you’re not. It’s so hot. You’re not cold.” (Page 2446523)
Our little ones have a lot of feelings, often colliding into each other in their own brains, never mind with you and the outside world. (Page 2447153)
We tend to focus on the negative, but we should also acknowledge joy and happiness and the more positive emotions. We tend to gloss over those. (Page 2448019)
The ultimate respect is knowing that we aren’t in our children’s bodies. We don’t know if they are really hungry or not. Right? (Page 2448779)
Please notice some very specific language here: Yes and. That’s validation. When we use the words Yes but, we almost instantly invalidate. (Page 2449169)
Wearing shorts in a snowstorm is most likely going to produce a whining toddler within minutes. Let them decide and cover your bases with just-in-case clothes. A yes and a yes. “I know you are not cold right now. See the snow outside? It’s cold. Let’s put some pants in the bag just in case you do get cold.” Validate and cover your parental ass. (Page 2449954)
“Yes. I know you’re not tired and it’s time for bed.” (Page 2452233)
If you say, “Yes, you are tired,” you know the response that is almost guaranteed, right? “No, I’m not!” Now you just entered yourself in a power struggle with a tired toddler. (Page 2452449)
In the toy-swiping scenario, this might look like, “I can see you are really angry. I would be angry as well. Let’s take a minute and think about what we can do about it.” (Page 2454648)
What I normally see play out is the child having a big emotion, justified or not, and parents rushing in to save the child and fix the situation. Listen, there will always be a bully, there will always be a jerk. (Page 2454825)
You don’t have to make eighteen pieces of toast to see which cut will suit your child. In fact, it’s not helpful. First off, you’re completely setting up your child to expect you to fix everything. Second, you’re not allowing the actual feeling. You’re unconsciously saying, Don’t feel that. Here. I’ll hurry up and fix it so you’re not feeling the thing. (Page 2455534)
“I can see this has made you very angry. Why don’t you take a minute to settle and then we’ll figure out what to do.” I’m using “settle” instead of “calm down” because never in the history of the world have the words calm down made a human calm down. (Page 2455995)
but instead of directly addressing the toy stealing, you first address your child’s fury. “Wow, you’re so angry and I understand why. Let’s go over here for a minute and settle your body and we’ll figure out what to do.” (Page 2457484)
You can even lean into the feeling. “You are so angry. That was very unfair.” Let your little one vent. Too often we try to hurry up and fix the anger or frustration. It’s okay to let them really feel it. Yes! That sucked! (Page 2457846)
There is more societal judgment about discipline than any other area of parenting. (Page 2459231)
Punishment is a power dynamic, backed by a notion of “paying for what you did.” The child does something you deem bad and you will make that child “pay for it.” Punishment can seem arbitrary to the child. Punishment can feel like it comes out of the blue, with no warning. The child does something and punishment swoops in. (Page 2460627)
The natural consequence feels severe, so we put in an external consequence. You don’t want your child to potentially crack open her head, so you institute something external, like a time-out. The problem is, in most cases, the child makes zero connection between the wrongdoing and the punishment. (Page 2461462)
“My child isn’t giving me a hard time. My child is having a hard time.” (Page 2463553)
If your child has done something that makes your rage boil, chances are your little one hit a trigger point for you. This is the time to remove yourself. Maybe it means leaving the room. Or hiding out in the parental office, otherwise known as the bathroom. (Page 2466143)
You can be very clear with your words: “When you do (x-y-z), I get crazy mad. I’m going to take a break so I can calm down before I talk with you.” Or even a shortened version of “Argh. I’m so angry I need a break. I will be right back.” (Page 2466569)
Ownership of your own anger. Not “you made me feel.” (Page 2466849)
You are going to take a break; when we feel that sudden onset of anger, we tend to say shit that is useless, ineffective, or mean. Taking a break to calm down is always key. • The last thing to notice is “I’ll be back.” I’m not abandoning you or the situation. I just need a little time. (Page 2466907)
But there’s extreme power in doing the opposite. Whispering makes the child have to stop to hear you. Right there, you’ve disrupted the escalation. Whispering is also 100 percent less threatening than yelling. (Page 2467402)
Being yelled at sucks in any circumstance. But in front of anyone else, including siblings and family members, getting yelled at is public humiliation. (Page 2467792)
When you put your heads literally together to whisper in her ear, you become a team. The child is not left alone with a yucky feeling. (Page 2468669)
You can be super effective when you’re looking your little one in the eye, on his level. Kneel down in front of him so you are eye to eye. (Page 2468989)
Offer your child a break with or without you. Give him specifics on his behavior. “It looks like you’re having a hard time controlling your body. You need a break. Do you want me to come with you or do you want to be by yourself?” (Page 2470471)
Tight bear hugs can actually physically calm a child down. Putting pressure on the skin calms the body. (Page 2470936)
I suggest weighted blankets to help them self-regulate. (Page 2471088)
“When I’m frustrated, I like to go outside and yell it out.” Or “I like to go throw pillows in my room. Would you like to try that?” (Page 2472102)
Whenever they’re possible, I’m a huge fan of natural consequences. In many instances, that simply means leaving. Leaving the party, the store, the park, the friend’s house. If your child is displaying angry, frustrated, or aggressive behavior, oftentimes it means you should leave. (Page 2472333)
Three more chances and counting to three are completely ineffective if you don’t actually follow through (Page 2474896)
Sometimes that means leaving a full cart of groceries. Sometimes that means getting the check in the restaurant and packing the food to go. (Page 2476000)
doing them well. DON’T • (Page 2478356)
Don’t make empty threats; don’t threaten something you won’t do. If you aren’t going to leave the party, don’t threaten it. (Page 2478381)
Don’t threaten something off in the future. If you feel the need to give a consequence in the moment, it must be in the moment. There has to be a direct cause and effect—otherwise it is useless. (Page 2478760)
Respect them by using the same tone you’d use with older people. Using that baby singsong voice is infantilizing them and can even be condescending. (Page 2481150)
One, we don’t give our kids the time they need to actually process information and respond. Two, we overlook just how underdeveloped some parts of the brain are at this age. (Page 2483182)
It can take a toddler up to forty-five seconds to actually hear your words. Then, because of still-developing executive function skills and limbic systems, it takes time for them to actually sort the words in a meaningful way. (Page 2483477)
If you muck up your intention with a bunch of other words, it gets very confusing and your little one will freeze up. Or not hear you. (Page 2485445)
Women, myself included, have a tendency to have a thousand browser bars open at all times in our minds. And we’re tracking them all. And we feel the need to explain everything about everything. (Page 2486193)

New highlights added May 1, 2025 at 10:31 AM

can make a small practice of taking back the object to fill it. (View Highlight)
Slow down, way down. Toddler time is very slow. If transitions are crazy, think slower. The more you can prepare your child with short, doable directives, the more you can start to iron out daily transitions. (View Highlight)
• Your gut instinct. Something, anything feels off to you. You look around at other kids and you think something along the lines of I wish it were that easy. (View Highlight)
• Zero-to-sixty behavior. Meltdowns that slam you out of the blue. These will be long and drawn-out. They will be all the time. You feel like you’re drowning in battles with your child on a daily basis. (View Highlight)
Feed the children earlier. Like way earlier, four or five o’clock earlier. (View Highlight)
If your child is ravenous at four, feed her more than a snack; feed her dinner. It doesn’t have to be a glamorous meal, just real food. Then, come dinnertime, she can have her snack with you at the table. (View Highlight)
- “Sweetie! It’s eight twenty-five, we have to go! If we don’t get in the car in the next five minutes, Mommy’s going to be late for work. You don’t want me to be late for work, do you? My boss will be angry with me and I don’t like that. Can you please put on your shoes like I asked you to do five minutes ago?” Your child’s reaction may be to freeze up (ignore you) or go bonkers. (View Highlight)
Get comfortable with a sign, like a T for time-out or something. “Honey, too much. What are you asking me?” This is a fabulous tool for your toolbox. (View Highlight)
A really good rule of thumb is to be aware that a three-year-old’s brain and your average dog’s brain have almost exactly the same level of development. (View Highlight)
ask her a question about what she’s seeing, about what’s going on in her head. Usually you’ll get a spacey reply; her voice may sound distracted and off in the distance. Keep talking and asking questions until her voice sounds more in the present. Then say, “Okay, after x-y-z, it’s time to shut down the iPad (or put the dolls to bed, or whatever it is).” (View Highlight)
“Okay, one more trip around the track and the trains go back to the wheelhouse.” (View Highlight)
Don’t assume your child isn’t listening. You may be using too many words for them to unscramble the message in the time you are expecting. Use fewer words, more eye contact, and above all, connection when it seems like your little one isn’t listening. And remember, these are long-term tools that take patience and practice on your part. (View Highlight)
Know that if you have to leave at, say, 8:30 a.m., you should start warnings sometimes as early as eight. (View Highlight)
I like having a whiteboard list by the door, with checklists of what the child might need to leave. I like having one in the child’s bedroom so he knows what he’s doing in the morning (View Highlight)
You can tell him exactly what’s going to happen and how you expect him to behave. It’s super awesome if you can throw in an easy, immediate task for him to do. This will helps him stay focused. (View Highlight)
As they neared home, Kim would tell Alyssa, “When I stop the car at home, you can unbuckle and use the potty. I put it right near the car for you so it will be easy. You will have a big pee. Then take the purple bag and please bring it to the kitchen table. Can you tell me what you will do when I stop the car?” (View Highlight)
If you were to say, “help get everything in the house,” that would be too much and too unclear. In general, across the board with this age, you need to make your instructions short and specific. “Set the table” is too big. “Can you put a fork next to every plate?” is very doable. (View Highlight)
It really can even be as simple as “We will go to the library. We will read one book. Then we will go potty. You will pee in the toilet. You will not be angry. You will not throw a fit. You will wash your hands. And then we will read two more books. And then we will take our books home and leave the library quietly.” (View Highlight)
Transitional objects are the best. It’s totally fine for your child to carry a transitional object with her. It’s also okay to have some rules about when Beary has to stay in the car and wait. (View Highlight)