Becoming a Maker for My Son (and for Me)
Every day, I watch my son grow into a more nuanced individual. He’s constantly looking at me to help him define himself. Each mimicry or parody he presents back to me brings me great joy and a sense of responsibility. My role makes me the prototype and whenever I think about that I feel an undeniable urge to create an idealized version of myself—someone he can look up to, someone he can use as a template.
Yet, that urge is complicated. On the one hand, striving to be a better version of myself for him is the most powerful motivation I’ve ever felt. It pushes me to confront parts of my life I’ve neglected or let slide—how I treat my body, my habits, and my responsibilities around the house. However, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking I need to be perfect, which is an unattainable ideal that could lead to frustration or a sense of failure. It’s possible that by trying too hard, I could push him away from the very things I want him to value.
What I Want to Teach Him
There are so many lessons I want to pass on to my son—practical skills and values that will shape his future. I want to teach him how to care for things himself, how to be independent without being detached. I want him to be a kind and caring person, someone who lifts others up. I want him to understand the importance of health and exercise, not as an obligation but as a way to respect his body.
I also want to show him how to cook and manage a kitchen. There’s love and connection in being able to feed yourself and others. It’s a skill that fosters both creativity and self-sufficiency. Finally, I want to help him break down problems into their parts and follow through—whether it’s solving a puzzle, fixing something in the house, or tackling a bigger life goal.
But here’s the catch: my abilities in these topics range from mediocre to terrible. I’m a learner just like he will be. The idea of teaching him how to manage all these parts of life feels daunting because I still struggle with them myself.
The Challenge of Becoming a Maker
I find myself in an internal debate - will pushing myself to learn these things seem forced to my son? Will he see through the facade and reject the things I am learning to appreciate? It’s easy to worry that he will sense my insecurities or frustrations, and that these feelings will rub off on him, causing him to dislike the very things I want him to embrace.
I want to take advantage of this opportunity. If I can use this desire to improve myself, maybe I can develop habits around being more practical and making them stick. It’s ironic that my motivation to “create” comes from the fact that in my job, I often don’t produce anything tangible. In my career, I create digital experiences, which are valuable in their own right, but there’s something satisfying about making physical things with your hands, whether it’s fixing something broken or crafting something new.
The Power of Identity and Small Wins
In James Clear’s Atomic Habits, he talks about the importance of identity-based habits. Instead of focusing on big goals, you choose the kind of person you want to be and take small steps to reinforce that identity. So I’m starting to adopt this mindset: “I’m the type of person who makes and fixes things.” The goal isn’t to be perfect at it from the beginning but to create small, attainable wins that reinforce this idea.
For me, this might look like tackling one fix around the house each month, even if that means calling in a friend who knows what they’re doing to help me out. Each time I complete a task—whether it’s replacing a light fixture or patching a hole in the wall—it’s a small victory that brings me closer to embodying the identity I want to model for my son.
Becoming the Example
Ultimately, the process of becoming a maker for my son isn’t about achieving an idealized version of myself. It’s about demonstrating that learning, failing, and trying again are all part of life. It’s about showing him that it’s okay to not be perfect, as long as you keep growing. By embracing small wins, I’m not just teaching him how to fix things or solve problems—I’m teaching him resilience, adaptability, and the value of trying. Or at least that’s the plan.